“I Focused on What I Could Control: How I Chose to Respond to My Body”

Storytelling and sharing less known truths are a core value of GRIT+GRACE. Today I am thrilled to share a guest post from a G+G badass reflecting on her journey with a body that suddenly doesn't feel her own.

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Seemingly overnight, I went from being the specimen of health that everyone made comments about...“I wish I was as motivated as you,” “you eat so healthy,” “I need to get back to the gym,”...to living with chronic pain, digestive issues, anxiety, and a hormonal imbalance. As a nurse, I helped mend the sick. I had trust that if I ever got sick, I would have that safety net, too. Instead, I was bounced around the healthcare system from specialist to specialist. Thousands of dollars and long wait times yielded no results.

Everyone kept telling me that the doctors didn’t care, the medical system was designed to keep you sick. I became scared of trying medication and, when I did, I was vilified by naturopaths who tried to sell me their magical supplement as the alternative cure. I tried physical therapy, chiropractic work, energy work, shaman healing, drugs, massage, acupuncture, craniosacral therapy, functional nutrition, mental health interventions, supplements, cold plunging, yoga, mobility, and if one more person asks me “have you ever tried meditation?” I’m going to scream. Each time I tried something new, I was excited that it could be what heals me. Ultimately, I got the diagnosis of “stress and anxiety,” which everyone said is the diagnosis of exclusion. But my pain was real, my anxiety kept mounting, and I worried this was my new life.

It has been quite a journey, but what I’ve learned is there is no magic bullet. All you can do is meet your body where it’s at and accept it for what it is, in that very moment. I shifted my mindset from everything I couldn’t do to everything my body was doing for me. No, I couldn’t go to the gym and workout at the level I used to, but my heart was still beating and my lungs were still exchanging oxygen and carbon dioxide. No, my reproductive system was not producing hormones, but I changed that patch. I focused on what I could control: how I chose to respond to my body--and this has been the greatest lesson yet.